My Funny Valentines

Here’s a sampling of the Valentine’s Day cards I’m sending to my friends:

I found these retro Valentine’s Day cards on line.  I love them because they’re corny and sweet but mostly because they’re not associated with any advertising campaign like the Hello Kitty or Barbie or Toy Story valentines that drugstores shelve this time of year.  I gave out similar ones as a schoolgirl.

Valentines Day was always a big deal at our house growing up.  I remember one of my older sisters coming home with a sheet-cake-sized box of chocolates. Three layers deep!  Oh, the joy! Three months later after a painful visit to the dentist (hers, not ours), she sat us down and gave us a lecture on proper tooth-brushing procedures.

My dad loaded us up with candy and funny cards on February 14.  Once he gave a card to my little sister that I haven’t forgotten, a card which these days would probably constitute emotional abuse or a Tiger Mother parenting technique. The cartoon drawing on the front showed a very shapely woman whose face was marred by crossed eyes, buck-teeth and a goofy expression.  The poem to accompany it went something like this:

You’ve got curves like a roller coaster

Your clothes fit like a glove

But there’s one thing, Valentine dear—

You’ve got a face only a mother could love.

My little sister was adorable, by the way.

In that tradition of light verse sent on Valentine’s Day, I’m sending my friends this poem as well:

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Remember, you don’t need a lover to spread the love.